Day 21

This isn't a perfect world, people gets hurt. You have to smile when you are sad. Laugh, when you feel like crying. Act like you're okay when you're falling apart, but most important of all, you got to let go and move on...because there's nothing else you can do...anymore.

Scouts rally. The day i wished for to come faster 22 days ago. The day i wished it nv came 21 days ago. Everything went well in the morning, before she came. But he was already sms-ing her. And my phone was silent..too silent. Not until i talk to clarence. I tot i was already fine with him sms-ing her. since thats what they SHOULD be doing..i cannot stop them. i cannot do anything.

my feeling came true again..for the 5th time. his phone rang 2 times with the sms tone without him answering. i tot that it was her telling him that she had reached the place. turns out that 5mins later, eugene pointed that yuan ching is here. somehow i looked eagly for her. wishing to see her face after so long. suatkee had to pass some plastic bag which is used for advertising to ycss. she dragged desmond and him along...leaving me and rahmat behind. i felt redundant to go...since i have chosen this path. so i stayed on.

half way through. saw them talking to each other. i tot i was prepared for this 21 days ago. looks like i wasnt. she looks happy. maybe thats all that matters. but why are they still afraid to do this infront of me. why behind the tents. why run away when i saw them. what can i even do. i choose not to look. i choose to run away from reality.

she looked at me a few times. i did not smile. neither did i wave nor say hi. all i did, was to escape. did she saw me looking away? i hope not. other wise all the fake smile i had carried would just flow off to the drain. we are like strangers now. no. its worst than that.

the sevars now knows that him and her are tgt. he had also admitted. looks like we will be hearing more of her name around tables from today on...time to practice to laugh when they tease him about her.

what can i do... nth came to my head.